When I first had the thought that I should start writing again, I immediately heard another voice inside my head telling me how much of a stupid idea it was. I watched my mind in this internal argument going back and forth between encouragement and inspiration and then fear and failure for quite some time. (I think somewhere deep in my sub conscious that argument is still actually happening.) What brought me out of it enough to decide to write again though was something quite simple. The memory of what one of my yoga teachers in India used to say all the time during class to the students; ‘Do Something.’
Two words. That’s all. Just those two words. Two words that are not at all complicated and have nothing special about them on their own. However, use them together and they become a powerful combination. ‘Do Something.’ Whenever I would hear them (which was a lot, we were in his mind a very lazy class) the message always sunk in for me. If I’m not doing something, then nothing different is going to happen. Nothing is going to change.
For the past year since my son was born, I have done very
little for myself. Most of my waking
hours (and sometimes even the sleeping ones too) have been spent attending to
him and fulfilling his needs. This of
course is quite normal and to be expected when you have a little baby and
throughout this last year I have known and understood that. Just because I understood how important what
I was doing was, doesn’t mean I was prepared for just how intense the loss of
identity was going to be for me. How
would I have described myself before I had my son? Dancer, writer, reader, learner, cook,
explorer, teacher, student, dreamer, optimist and that’s just to name a few. I remember saying to someone while I was
pregnant that I thought having a child was going to give me more in my
life. It was going to make things busy
sure, but it was only going to add to all the other wonderful things that make
up my life and the way I live it. Up
until recently I must admit I haven’t felt like anything other than a
mother. I haven’t had time, energy or
the inspiration to be or do anything other than be a mother to my son and get
through the basics of eating, showering, sleeping and keeping the baby alive each
day.
Quite recently though, I started to feel as though I needed more from my life
again. I’m not sure if it’s because I
finally feel as though I’m on top of all the mum stuff (most of the time at
least) and can now dedicate some focus to my own needs and interests again or
if it’s just because as my son grows and becomes more independent he doesn’t
need me and my attention 100% of the time.
Whatever the reason, I didn’t really know how or where to start. I’d long lost motivation for doing anything
other than what was essential each day and I felt stuck. I felt as though I didn’t know how to make
anything happen anymore.
Then those two words came back into my mind. Do Something. If I don’t do something, I’m not going
to get anywhere other than where I already am. There is no point in me
complaining about feeling stuck or not being happy about the experience I’m
having in my life if I’m not doing anything to try to change it. I didn’t need to do a huge thing, or the
right thing, or the perfect thing. I
just needed to do Something. So that’s
what I did. I sat down while my son was
sleeping and could be alone with myself and my thoughts and I started to write. Once I began it became easy to continue. And before I knew it, I wasn’t just doing something,
I’d done something.
This small revelation I’ve experienced has reminded me that life really is
quite simple but for some reason we tend to make it complicated. When we feel stuck, as most of us do at times
throughout our lives, we often forget that we have the power to un-stick
ourselves and create a change. It may
not always be easy to do but it’s worth reminding ourselves that we are in
control of how we live our lives. If we
want things to change then all we need to do is start by doing something.
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